Level 1: Ill-Fated Trip to the Aurora [3/20/22 | 252.0 lbs]

Thoughts on sustainability.

General Notes

One of the articles I read today emphasized the need for non-calorically-dense foods, food with a low calorie-to-weight ratio. I've also been thinking about when my various efforts fail or succeed. I noticed one specific through line. 

The most lasting change is the change that happens when I'm not looking.

Any change that lasts has to be something I enjoy. Or... no, that's not quite right. But it has to be something I don't need a checklist or constant reminder to do. That's not sustainable.

For example: I LOVE Chipotle. Frigging adore the food there, and there's a ton of low-caloric density options. For instance, brown rice with corn, salsa, guacamole, and some kind of protein (beans, chicken, steak). It's sustainable. Very few barriers to eating it and a ton of innate incentives.

Seek this sort of thing. In exercise, food, and all supporting habits.

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Daily Article Notes

Relevant notes from my daily set of Noom articles.

• Designing my "Big Picture." I know first-hand how easily it can be to get lost in the weeds and give up constantly, in big ways and small. Even yesterday, I just kind of gave up and binged on junk in the afternoon.
• Noom suggests nailing down major goals I want to accomplish by the end of my journey with the program. Okay.
• Lost 50-60 more lbs. Drop to 190-200 lbs. But why?
• Out of the line of fire. Get to a point where I'm no longer the target of fatphobia, dirty looks on airplanes, disappointed looks from family.
• Okay, but as my friend ZZ has said, negative goals are less reliable than positive goals. Wanting to not be the target of negative stuff is reasonable and true, but not sufficient. What else?
• Become more confident socially, maybe even dating again. Yes... but I know people of all body types, all weights who are confident and actively date. What else?
• Become the physical person I want to be. There's a version of myself I want to transform into, the fullest version of myself. Is it fantasy? I don't know. That person is lean, has stamina, some light strength. Nothing bulky or built, but an agile kind of strength. It's an inner vision I want to bring into the light. Yes. This is it.

My old college athletic logo.

• Return to fencing without shame or self-hatred. I fenced competitively from middle school until my mid-twenties. It brought me SO MUCH JOY. It was an outlet for energy, something I was good at, something I was competitive at. I tried doing it again not long ago and hated how quickly winded I got. I want to return to this.
• Accomplish all the above out of the corner of my eye. If I have to achieve all the above by constant checklists and constantly fighting myself, it's antithetical to this Big Picture.
• Weigh regularly. Weigh in every day for this program, and don't read too much into it since weight fluctuates randomly. This is easy enough to do, and not scary for me.

How to calculate Noom caloric density.

• Eat less dense. Caloric density is at the heart of this program. The gist is that 1600 calories of Twinkies will lose weight comparably to 1600 calories of salad, but because the salad is so much less calorically dense, it'll fill me up more and is far more sustainable.