Level 3: Alien Roots [4/4/22 | 250.6 lbs]

Timeline of a bad day.

General Notes

Yesterday, I talked about "storm eating." The kind of eating where you can't stop and nothing feels like it'll satisfying, but it feels better than not eating. That happened to me again tonight.

It started when I went to the vending machine after class. I got a Skittles. Fine. I had room in my budget for it.

But there was another candy bar already in the base of the vending machine, a salted nut roll.

At that point, it felt like I couldn't get my planned dinner while still staying within my plan. It's "black and white thinking," and I was off. After dinner, the itch was not scratched. I kept going, even getting a small container of cookies, a Cadbury egg, and popcorn from a grocery store before going home.

Funny thing? Even that choice was far better than it could have been. At the end of it all, I was STILL tempted to keep going, to order a pizza and get more candy. Hunger had nothing to do with it. So... a small victory to end the day. No joke. 

Final day's tally: 3,320 calories, when the target was 1,780 calories.

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So what's my analysis? Where do I go from here?

• Return to my supplementary habits. I didn't take my meds or drink water today. That didn't cause the failure, but it didn't set me up for success.
• Aim for a bright, clean, and organized space. A smelly kitchen, food piled up, and curtains closed, books strewn about, emails stacked up, tasks put off... all of these build on my stress and make me ripe to blow.
• Become cleaner. I haven't gotten a haircut in forever (4+ months?), and when these moods hit me it's tough to keep basic hygiene going. It doesn't take much time and really sets me up to feel calm.

...Huh. There's a theme here. The less pressure I feel, the calmer I feel, the more at peace with my environment I feel, the more open I feel and the less I feel like I'm hiding or have to hide, the better set up for success I am.

Huh.

Sketching today's meals

• B: Slice of lightly buttered toast with fried egg.
• L: Rice bowl with lamb shawarma, vegetables, garlic sauce. 
• D: Three chicken tenders, one sauce container, Texas toast.